A Plain & Fancy Christmas Page 22

  He smoothed her hair, more as an excuse to get closer to her than because it was necessary. “I’m not expecting you to speak as a professional. But I value what you so casually call your feelings about this stuff. You’re always dead-on.”

  “All right, buddy, you’re asking, just remember that.”

  They continued to walk, debating and tossing ideas back and forth. Ellie was thoroughly enjoying herself and the old surge of excitement she got from confronting a business challenge. It was one of the benefits of dating Carson, the way he included her in his plans; he had been casually asking for her suggestions before they started going out, but, once the incident over Lisa’s firing had been sorted out, they had grown even more open to discussing the business. She loved having the fun of coming up with ideas without any of the responsibility for implementing them.

  She and Carson had rarely been apart since the night they made up after fighting about Lisa. Never had Ellie imagined that it could be so easy to slip into the life of another person, and have him slip into hers. Nothing with Carson was difficult. His easygoing way reinforced the calm she found among the Kings. Sometimes, she had told A.J. on the phone, she was so relaxed she was afraid she might slip into a coma. Her sister had roared with laughter at the idea of, as she put it, “uptight Ellie finally letting it all hang loose.” She had no idea where they might be going as a couple, but at the moment she was savoring the joys of being with him. A week ago, she had taken him to dinner at the farm, where he had been a big hit with the Kings. After the meal, he, Isaac, and Amos had disappeared for two hours. Turned out they’d been in the barn, discussing the horses and next spring’s crops. Even Leah had given her stamp of approval with a simple, “Seems like a nice man.”

  Between spending time with him, working at the farm, and waitressing, Ellie was physically exhausted. But she had never felt better or happier.

  As they were leaving the restaurant site, Carson’s cell phone rang. He stopped outside the car to talk, so Ellie got into the passenger seat to wait for him. She was surprised when he appeared right outside her window and made the inaccurate but universally understood motion for her to roll it down. She laughed, gesturing to indicate the car was off so the button wouldn’t work, but then she noticed his expression, and stopped laughing. Opening the door, she started to get out.

  “What’s wrong? Who was it?” she asked.

  “Harriet. Your mother tracked you down to the restaurant.”

  “Leah called?” Ellie was alarmed. Leah stayed away from using a telephone unless it was an emergency.

  “Not Leah. Your mother in New York.”

  It surprised her how quickly she had jumped to the wrong conclusion, but she didn’t dwell on it. “Why did she call the restaurant? She can reach me on my phone at home.”

  He took her hand. “She wanted to get the message to you right away.” He paused. “I’m sorry, but your grandmother died.”

  She stared at him. “My gra–Gram died?”

  “The message was your grandmother in New York. Would that be her?”

  “Oh, no, not Gram.” With a soft wail, she sank back down onto the car’s seat.

  “You were close to her?”

  “I adored her. Oh …” She shut her eyes. “My poor grandfather.”

  “Your mother also said to tell you the funeral will be tomorrow.”

  Her eyes were wet with tears. “I’ll grab some stuff and get on the road. Would you drop me at my place now?”

  “Of course.”

  He hurried around to the driver’s side. Ellie swung her legs inside the car. She should get word to the Kings. At the moment, though, the Kings didn’t seem very important. What was important was that she hadn’t seen her grandmother in months, and now she would never have another chance.

  He backed the car out of its parking space. “Ellie, would you like me to go with you to New York?”

  She considered the offer. “No. Thank you, but I think it would be best if I went alone.”

  “Okay, if you’re sure. Let me know if you change your mind.”

  She looked over at him. He was opening his new restaurant in a week, not to mention running three others, but he was willing to drop everything to go to her grandmother’s funeral, hours away. She knew then that she could fall deeply in love with this man.

  Ellie drove from Pennsylvania directly to her parents’ apartment, and slept there rather than displace Rachel from her apartment. It had been a good decision, enabling them to catch up on what had been going on. A.J. and Steve had driven down from Providence and were also sleeping there. The night before, Ellie and her sister stayed up until well after three o’clock in the morning, talking about their grandmother and their childhoods with her. Then A.J. wanted to hear all about Ellie’s Amish family.

  Once the service got under way the next day. Ellie’s other thoughts were forgotten as she listened to the stories and memories about her grandmother. She watched her grandfather, impeccably dressed as always, but appearing somehow diminished in his seat, looking almost as if he were unaware of where he was. She wondered how or if he would recover from this.

  When it was over, the Lawrences were joined by some two dozen people at their apartment. Nina kept busy making sure everyone had food and drinks from the buffet in the dining room. Gil and Aunt Lillian remained by their father’s side. If possible, Ellie was even more saddened that day by her aunt’s demeanor. Her usual sharp-tongued cracks and imperial presence were nowhere in evidence. Instead, she said virtually nothing, wearing a conservative black dress and enormous sunglasses, which she kept on throughout the entire day. When Ellie went to give her a hug, the only comment her aunt made was, “Thank you, darling.” The sight of a stricken Aunt Lillian broke Ellie’s heart all over again.

  From her perch on the sofa, Ellie watched Nick talking with Katie. Their easy familiarity made it clear they had an affectionate relationship. Rachel, too, clearing away dirty dishes and glasses, was obviously comfortable with their parents, as well as with Nick and A.J. Given how comfortable she herself now was with the Kings, Ellie reflected, it shouldn’t strike her as strange that Rachel had developed bonds with the family here. She didn’t feel the same stab of jealousy she used to experience when she encountered signs of Rachel’s closeness with her relatives, but she nonetheless still felt unsettled.

  Glancing over, she noticed her grandfather was momentarily by himself, and hurried over to his side. “Can I do anything for you?” she asked.

  “No, sweetheart.” The sorrow in his voice made her wince. “But I appreciate your asking.”

  She tried to keep the tears from welling up again. “You know, Gramp, you two had the best marriage in the world. I always envied you, and wanted to have one just like yours.”

  “It was wonderful. She was everything to me. But don’t envy other people’s marriages, my dear. It wasn’t always easy. Not for me, and certainly not for her, I’m sure.”

  “I guess not. But you sure made it look like it was.”

  “We definitely had our tough times. All marriages do.”

  “How did you get through them?”

  He thought for a moment. “I suppose we were both committed from the beginning, and we never deviated from that. Neither of us was going to walk out no matter what. We put our hearts and souls into it, you could say, no holding back. And, somehow, we muddled through.”

  “You more than ‘muddled,’ Gramp.”

  He gave her a sad smile. “Yes, we did.”

  She kissed his cheek. “I love you.”

  He patted her arm absently as he turned away, distracted by his grief.

  So much love translated into so much loss, she thought. Carson appeared in her mind’s eye. What struck her was the pain she suddenly felt at the idea that she might not see him again, might lose him. No man had ever evoked that feeling in her, a cold fear at the idea of his being taken away from her.

  “Hello, Ellie.”

  She turned to find Rachel behin
d her.

  “I’m so sorry about your grandmother.” The words came out a bit stiffly, but Ellie could see that they were heartfelt.

  “She was your grandmother, too.”

  Rachel looked down. “You may find this hard to believe, but I was actually starting to feel like she really was.”

  Ellie thought about Hannah and Amos, working outside with them, talking in the evenings. “No, I don’t find it hard to believe. Not at all.”

  “She was so good to me and to Katie. You were fortunate to have all those years with her.” Suddenly, as she heard her own words, Rachel’s face seemed to freeze.

  Ellie could see her instant regret, the significance of what she’d said painfully clear to them both. They stood there in awkward silence.

  “How is everything in the apartment?” Ellie finally asked.

  “Great,” Rachel quickly answered. “Thank you. We’re so grateful to you for letting us stay there.”

  “And how do you like living in New York?”

  Rachel considered the question. “It’s very good and very bad, both. Exciting and too much at the same time.”

  Katie must have seen her mother talking to Ellie, and taken that as a sign that it might be all right to approach. “Hello,” she said in a small voice, as if she still weren’t sure it was okay.

  Ellie bent down to give her a hug. “I’m so glad to see you!”

  “I’m sorry about your grandma,” she said.

  “Thank you, honey. I’m happy you got to spend some time with her, even though it wasn’t enough.”

  Katie nodded. “She was nice. I really liked her.”

  “Me, too.” Ellie gave her a regretful smile. “But you’ve also gotten to spend time with everyone else here. I hope they’ve been nice, too.”

  Katie brightened. “Oh, so nice! Uncle Nick takes me all over the place. Grandma and Grandpa do, too.” She lowered her voice conspiratorially. “They let me get ice cream all the time.”

  Grandma and Grandpa. Ellie smiled. It was hard to keep up with all the new allegiances that were forming.

  “So they tell me that you’re in school here. How do you like it?”

  A slight hesitation. “It’s okay, I guess.”

  Ellie scrutinized her face a little more closely. The lukewarm endorsement wasn’t quite what she had been expecting from Katie, normally so enthusiastic. Before she could inquire further, Rachel spoke.

  “Come, Katie, let’s go see what we can do in the kitchen.”

  Ellie watched Rachel lead her daughter away, wondering what might be going on. So many surprises on this visit.

  The biggest surprise from her point of view was the intensity of her reaction to coming back to New York and her family. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed her parents, how thrilled she was to see Nick and A.J. On top of that, just walking the city streets reminded her how invigorating it was to live here. She felt an excitement, a sense of anticipation that she used to take for granted, but had apparently lain dormant in her since she left.

  “How’s my girl?” Nina came over and leaned in for a private conversation. “It’s so wonderful to have you and A.J. both staying here at the same time. I mean, it is for a horrible reason …”

  Ellie took her mother’s hand. “It’s so good to see you, Mom.”

  “I’ve missed having you around, angel. Being able to talk to you. Who would have dreamed you, of all people, would wind up with that one phone—not even an answering machine!”

  “I promise to call more often.”

  Nina looked surprised. “Wow—that was easy. I wasn’t even trying to make you feel guilty.”

  “No, I want to. I’ve missed you.”

  Ellie was already starting to regret her plan to leave the following day. She gave her head a slight shake, confused by her own thoughts. She wondered if it was actually possible that, for the rest of her life, she would always feel torn about where she belonged.

  Chapter 32

  Rachel opened the oven door and removed the pie, setting it on a cooling rack on the kitchen counter and laying the pot holders in a neat row beside it. She and Katie were going over to Nick’s apartment later to have dinner with him and the woman he was dating. They had met Winnie the previous week at Thanksgiving dinner. Spending Thanksgiving without her family in Pennsylvania had been difficult, but Rachel consoled her child—and herself—with the promise that they would make it back for Christmas. In the meantime, they got to experience a big family holiday with a host of newly acquired family.

  That evening, Nick had raved about Rachel’s pecan pie, part of what Nina served for dessert, so she promised to make another one just for him. That conversation turned into an invitation for tonight. Before leaving for school in the morning, Katie, excited to be going there tonight, reminded her mother twice not to forget to make the pie.

  Rachel had timed the baking so she would be done in time to turn off the oven before going to pick up Katie from school. She bundled up against the chill and darkness, and went out, glad the walk was a short one. Backpack slung over a shoulder, Katie was one of the first children to come through the school’s double doors. As she drew closer, Rachel could see that she was crying.

  “Katie, what is it?” she asked in alarm.

  Katie shook her head and started walking, obviously not wanting anyone to see her cry. She hurried ahead of her bewildered mother, barely making it into their lobby before she started to sob.

  “Oh, Mama,” she wailed, burying her face in her mother’s cape.

  Rachel hustled her upstairs and into the apartment. “Now, sit down and tell me what’s going on,” she said, locking the door behind them, and slipping off her cape and bonnet.

  The little girl was crying so hard, she could barely speak. Rachel led her to the sofa, and enveloped her in her arms, murmuring soothing sounds. At last, Katie’s breathing became more regular.

  “Okay.” She wiped her eyes with one sleeve. “I’m going to tell you.”

  “Well, of course,” Rachel said in surprise. “Why wouldn’t you?”

  “I don’t want to bother you with this.”

  “With what? You could never bother me.”

  Katie sniffled as she gathered her thoughts. “You know things haven’t been that great at school lately. With the kids, I mean.”

  Rachel nodded. Over the past several weeks, Katie was finding herself alone at school more and more. The children in her grade, even though there were so few, had been forming alliances, and Katie didn’t understand how these social situations worked or what she was supposed to do about them. She was the only child without a cell phone or computer, which meant she was never part of the conversations outside school, never included in the gossip. That was fine with Katie, who had no interest in gossip, yet it apparently marked her as an outsider, or as she put it—evidently mimicking a term she had learned from her schoolmates—a loser, despite the school’s insistence that it did everything possible to prevent such hurtful situations. Her Amish background, now linked with this absence of everyday technology, suddenly no longer struck the children as interesting but as distinctly weird. Recently, Katie had realized that even Jessie, whom she thought of as a close friend, had been declining offers to play, not because she was busy as she claimed, but because she no longer wanted to be associated with Katie.

  “I did something that maybe wasn’t good. Smart, I mean.” Katie took a ragged breath. “I guess I thought if I told Jessie something special, you know, something private, it would make her like me again. The kids like to share secrets, and I figured that could be a good thing for me to do.”

  “Okay. What secret did you share with her?”

  Katie averted her mother’s eyes. “I-I told her that I sometimes wet the bed.” Her lower lip started to quiver again. “That seemed like a good secret to tell. Not so terrible, but really private.”

  “It’s not a big deal,” Rachel reassured her.

  The tears spilled over. “Yes, it is! Jess
ica told everybody. She put it on her computer. All the kids thought it was so funny, that I was like a baby. They teased me all day. Not even just the fifth graders! The fourth and sixth graders, too! They all knew!”

  She began to sob again, burying her face in her hands.

  “No, sweetheart, don’t.” Rachel reached for her, but Katie jerked away, inconsolable.

  Rachel wanted to cry herself, though it would never do to let Katie see that. Watching her child in pain this way was more than she could bear. And it was all her fault. She had brought this upon Katie by insisting they come here. She was the one who had enrolled her in that awful school. The great adventure they were going to have among the English! What had she been thinking? Back at home, Katie would have been in school with children she knew and had grown up with, surrounded by members of their community who loved and cared about her. Instead, her own mother had sent her to be among strangers—people who not only didn’t care about her, but treated her with cruelty.

  “Tomorrow, I will go to that school and tell them you won’t be coming back. I’ll tell them exactly why. We’ll study together, here, from now on. You don’t ever have to see those children again.”

  Still crying, Katie ran into the bedroom and shut the door, locking it behind her. Rachel, shocked, stared at the closed door. She had never seen her child do anything like that before. She rarely cried to begin with, but, if she did, she explained what was bothering her, they talked it through together, and the storm blew over. This was something else entirely.

  Katie refused to come out of the bedroom all evening. Rachel called Nick and made their excuses, claiming an oncoming cold. She alternated between trying to convince Katie to come out and ordering her to, neither of which did any good. Until this point in her life, Katie had never even questioned an instruction or request by her mother; open defiance was unheard of for her. Consumed by guilt and furious at herself for setting off this chain of events, Rachel sat up on the couch for much of the night until she eventually fell into a restless sleep.

  When she awoke, it was still dark, but she glanced at the wall clock in the kitchen to see it was nearly five A.M. With relief, she saw the bedroom door standing open at last.