A Plain & Fancy Christmas Read online

  “Right. Let me guess. You’re going to get back to your regular life and try to forget all this. Too much confusion, too difficult for everyone. Especially you.”

  Rachel couldn’t hide her surprise. “How did you know?”

  “Because that’s what I was thinking when I got home from here.”

  She voiced her question with hesitation. “But you’re not thinking that anymore?”

  “No.”

  Interrupted by the reappearance of the waitress, they waited while she put down their drinks and a large corn muffin alongside two bowls containing butter and raspberry preserves. “Anything else I can get you?”

  “No, thank you,” Rachel said.

  In silence, they poured cream and sugar, unwrapped straws, spread butter. Finally, Ellie spoke.

  “I thought it would be a big deal to meet my real parents and the rest of my real family. I knew it would be complicated because they were Amish. What I didn’t know was that it would show me that I hated my life, the life I’ve been living until now.”

  Rachel, in the process of chewing a bite of her muffin, swallowed and put the piece she was holding back down on the plate. She had tried to guess what Ellie might want to say at this meeting, but was unprepared for anything like this.

  “I love my family in New York dearly, please don’t get me wrong. But I don’t love my work and the life I’ve made for myself. I’ve just been too caught up in my own ambitions and self-importance to see it. Until now.”

  Rachel sipped her iced tea.

  “I realized this almost as soon as I got home from here a couple of weeks ago,” Ellie continued, “but I didn’t do anything about it. It was such a frightening idea. Of course, I also figured it might just be the effect of spending time here on the farm. Except the feeling got stronger. I don’t know what is right for me, but I see now that what I’ve built for myself is wrong. And I want to change it before it’s too late, while I still have the ability and the courage.”

  “Do you know what you want to do instead?”

  “Not exactly.” Ellie picked up her coffee cup. “What I’d like to do for now is come back here, but stay longer, at least several months. Maybe forever, I can’t say. Rent a small place near the family. I need a fresh start.”

  “Oh,” was all Rachel could manage.

  “I don’t mean to sound ridiculous. I’m not trying to renounce everything and pretend to be Amish. But this is an opportunity to learn about another way of life. I really admire you and your family—our family.” She gave a slight smile as she set down the coffee cup. “I’ll never get that right. Anyway, I want to see what other way there is that I might live, or try to be, if that makes sense. And I want to take the time to build real relationships with everyone here, not just come as a guest, then take off again.”

  “I see. But why did you want to meet me alone to tell me this?”

  Ellie ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it back from her face. “Because I have a suggestion for you as well. I’m not for one minute suggesting you hate your life. Please don’t think that. But this is an opportunity for you to build something bigger with the family we share in New York. If I come here, I would sublet my apartment in New York. It occurred to me that you and Katie could take it over if you wanted to. You know, spend a few months living in New York.”

  Rachel didn’t bother trying to hide her shock. “Do you know what you’re suggesting? Why would I do that?”

  “Because the question of who we both are is not resolved. Not to my satisfaction, and I’ll bet not to yours, either. A few days together, some hugs, warm feelings—that doesn’t do it. I don’t know who I am or who I was supposed to be. Do you?”

  Rachel looked out the window, unwilling to reply.

  “Truthfully,” Ellie went on, “I don’t think I ever knew who I was, and maybe that’s because I’m not living my life, the life I was intended to have.”

  “Do you really think that?” Rachel turned back to her.

  “I wish I had the answer.” Frustration was written on Ellie’s face. “I’m not sure I ever will.”

  “I do know what you mean.” Rachel’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I’m not unhappy with my life, not at all, but I always felt there was something …”

  Ellie nodded.

  “But you’re talking about me leaving the farm, and all the work there. I couldn’t do that to my family.”

  “I’ll do your share of the work. Except for the quilts, obviously. Hopefully, they can teach me to bake a reasonably acceptable pie.”

  “And Katie. What about school?”

  “There are tons of schools in New York. My parents could arrange for her to go to a good one for however long you want.”

  “An English school?” Rachel shook her head.

  “I suppose. But I don’t see that a few months would be so terrible.”

  There was a long pause while Rachel considered the situation. “Let me ask you something. Why do you care if I go to New York? Why do you want me to leave?”

  Ellie sighed. “You may not believe this, but I don’t have any ulterior motive. My parents desperately want to get to know you and Katie better. You barely know Nick, and you met A.J. once.”

  Rachel must have looked skeptical, because Ellie hurried on.

  “Okay, I don’t deny that it would probably be easier for me if you weren’t there. It’s downright weird being in the same room with your family when you’re there. That means it has to be easier for you if I’m not around, breathing down your neck. Do you think you’d enjoy being with my relatives if I were there at every turn?”

  “No, I guess not.”

  “I would have liked for us to be friends.” Ellie’s tone was wistful. “It doesn’t seem to be working out that way, though. Why pretend?”

  Rachel wasn’t used to such a frank dissection of emotions. Her family wasn’t prone to laying out their feelings to be analyzed this way. Nothing on earth could have induced her to say such a thing to another person. Even though the words were true. She didn’t answer.

  “Still, I think this is a good solution,” Ellie went on. “Instead of just leaving everything half finished, let’s get to the bottom of what this means. Was the switch a mistake that thwarted our destinies? Or was the switch meant to be our destinies?”

  Rachel didn’t want to admit to Ellie that these were the same questions that had been tormenting her. “I don’t know,” Rachel murmured. “I just don’t …”

  “Please, I don’t want to browbeat you about this. I’m offering you a place to stay with your daughter if you want it. Whether you do or you don’t, I’d like to go ahead with my plan.” She put a ten-dollar bill on the table and got up. “I’ve already written a letter to tell Leah and Isaac my idea. That seemed the best way to approach this—give them time to discuss it. I’ll drop it in the mailbox right outside and they should get it tomorrow. I’d like to think they’ll feel good about it. So you let me know what you want to do. Okay?”

  Things were moving too fast for Rachel to take in. “Wait—when would this happen?”

  “As soon as possible.” Ellie slung her purse over her shoulder. She regarded Rachel, continuing in a softer tone. “Will you be okay if I go? You look shell-shocked.”

  Rachel didn’t know what the term meant, but she could figure out the general drift. “No, it’s fine. You … you don’t waste any time, do you?”

  She was surprised when Ellie came closer and put a hand over hers. “I’m sorry if I blindsided you. I can be a little blunt. Please understand that I don’t want to do anything to hurt you or anyone else in the family. Either family.”

  Rachel looked up to see concern in Ellie’s eyes. “Thank you for saying that.”

  Ellie gave her hand a squeeze and left.

  She shifted back around in her seat, gazing at her half-eaten food. She had a huge decision to make, and no one else in the world could help her make it. If only Ellie could have left things alone, instead of comi
ng up with this plan. From the first, she had instigated everything, throwing Rachel’s—and, apparently, her own—life into turmoil. It would have been much better if she had reacted to the initial letter from that nurse the way Rachel did, burying it and pretending it had never arrived.

  Yet, everything they talked about had been true. Rachel was unsettled since coming home from her trip. Too much had been left unresolved. She had redoubled her efforts to do her best at everything, but it felt almost mechanical, as if she didn’t know whether she was even supposed to be doing any of it. It was, she realized, as if she were waiting for something, although she had no idea what.

  Chapter 22

  “You’re what?”

  Alarmed, Robert Clark leaned forward in his chair. The two were seated close to each other at the conference table in his office. When she arrived for the private appointment she had requested, he led her to sit down with him, understanding that their meeting was going to be about a personal matter.

  “That’s right. I’m resigning. Leaving.” Ellie hoped her voice didn’t betray her perspiring palms and the way her heart was pounding in her chest. “I need to stop working for a while.”

  He sat back, regarding her. “Okay, Ellie, what’s this about? I know you. You’re happy here, you do a great job. You’re not a person who just up and quits. You’ve been with us for, what, ten years? What could possibly induce you to say this?”

  In the past, Ellie kept her personal life out of the office, but she was always direct and open with Robert about business. This situation, however, concerned both aspects of her life, and she had decided that she wasn’t going to confide in him. She recalled all too well Jason’s reaction to the news of her Amish background. The thought of exposing the Kings to the possible ridicule of Robert and the other people in the firm whom he would doubtless tell made her sick to her stomach. Besides, she thought, nowhere did it say she had to bare her soul to leave a job.

  Of course, Robert was right to be shocked. The Ellie he knew wouldn’t have quit her job in a million years. Except, her life had been turned upside down, so she wasn’t that Ellie anymore.

  What truly surprised her was that, once she finally resolved to take this step, she found that she felt more awake, more energized than she had in years. When she received a reply from Leah and Isaac King to her letter suggesting she move closer to them, there was no turning back. They wrote that they would be happy to have her living nearby if that was what she wanted. They even supplied her with contact information for people who could direct her to a local real estate agent. Once that permission was granted, if she had any doubts left at all, they were gone.

  Still, she had to find a graceful way to leave the company that had been everything to her for nearly a decade. It was hard to picture extricating herself from the place to which she had been so devoted, day in and day out, year after year.

  “Try to understand. I’m thirty. I’ve done nothing but P.R. my entire working life. I need to breathe a bit. Think about whether this is what I want to do for the next thirty years.”

  “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” His usual expression of controlled neutrality was fading into displeasure. “No one has the luxury of that anymore. You’re a vice president here! You want to stop and smell the roses? To think about whether you want this fantastic job—which, by the way, you’ve had to fight tooth and nail for.”

  “I want to get out of the business, do something else.”

  “You’re going out on your own, aren’t you? Starting your own shop.” His eyes blazed in anger at the idea. “Don’t even think about taking our clients with you. I’ll have you in court before you can say ‘contract violation.’ ”

  She tried not to show how shocked she was that the conversation had gotten so ugly so fast. After the years, and all the nights and weekends, she had put in working side by side with this man, she hadn’t expected him to turn on her like this. Anger rose in her. No matter what, she didn’t deserve such treatment.

  Her own voice grew quieter in response. “I’m not going on my own. I have no interest in taking the company’s clients anywhere.”

  “Well, let me in on what secret skills you’ve got stashed away up here”—he tapped his head—“that you’re going to use to support yourself.”

  The insults were getting personal now. She had said all she was willing to say, so she stood up. “I’ll always be grateful to you for everything.”

  “I don’t get it. This place has been your life.”

  That’s exactly the problem, she thought.

  For an instant, she had an overwhelming urge to take it back, to tell him that she was kidding, that she had no intention of resigning. No, she couldn’t go back to the way things were, as if nothing had happened. That part of her life was over.

  “Please try to understand that things change and people change,” she said. “That’s all.”

  He got up as well, buttoning his suit jacket. “And I hope you’ll understand that I’m going to call Security to escort you out of the building. With so little information, I have no choice but to assume the worst.” He went to his desk and reached for the phone, turning his back to her as he spoke into the receiver. “Jim, get on over to Ellie Lawrence’s office right away. She’s leaving for good, immediately, so bring a carton for her stuff …”

  She was stunned. Just like that, he reduced their years together and her dedication to a cardboard box for photographs and a few personal items. No doubt he considered letting her go back to her desk to be a gesture of kindness.

  “Good-bye, Robert.”

  She shut the door behind her, not waiting to hear if he answered or not. She strode quickly to her office, grabbed her purse and iPhone from the desk, and hurried out without packing up anything else. She wasn’t about to endure the humiliation of collecting memorabilia with a security guard looking over her shoulder.

  As the elevator descended, her mind went blank. She stared up at the lighted numbers indicating the passing floors, waiting for her heart to stop its wild beating. Emerging into the huge, cool lobby, she hastened out onto the street. She had no idea where she was going, but she turned right and started walking at a rapid pace, thinking of nothing except stopping when the lights were red. Then, as if a switch had been clicked on, it hit her. She had done it. Quit her job. Quit this life. It was over.

  A smile crept across her face. She was free. Soaring free, running-and-shouting-down-the-street free. Whatever might come, she was young and healthy, and could handle it. She figured she had enough savings to carry her through the next six months. Besides, she wasn’t alone in the world. She had not one, but two, families on which to rely. The idea made her laugh out loud, eliciting stares from a teenage couple hurrying by. A new life was ahead of her, and she couldn’t wait to get to it.

  Chapter 23

  It was another overcast and humid September day, the third one that week. Katie had recently started school, but as soon as she returned home each day, she and her grandmother would get back to work in the garden.

  Rachel spotted them in one of the far rows. They didn’t see her until she was nearly upon them. Katie smiled up at her, and Rachel put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder.

  “School went well today?”

  Katie nodded.

  “Good. Would you make meadow tea for everyone while I help out here? I put some mint on the counter.”

  If she was surprised to be sent away from the job at hand, Katie didn’t say anything. She hurried off to do as her mother asked.

  Leah looked at her expectantly, knowing there must be a reason Rachel had interrupted their work and requested her daughter to leave.

  Rachel kneeled down, replacing her daughter by reaching for the closest cabbage. “I wanted to tell you that I’m going to New York, and I’m taking Katie. I’m not sure how long we’ll stay, but I’ll arrange for some kind of schooling for her.”

  Leah shut her eyes, as if the news had overwhelmed her. Whe
n she opened them, her gaze was hard. “This is wrong. You would take Katie to live among the English? Why? So she can learn their ways and never come back?”

  “That’s not why I’m doing it. She and I both need to spend time with the Lawrences there. Not to learn their ways. To learn about ourselves.”

  “There is nothing to learn.” Leah’s lips were set in a thin line.

  “That’s not true and you know it!”

  Leah’s eyes blazed. “You do not talk to me that way. Such disrespect!”

  Rachel knew her mother was right, and softened her tone. “You think it’s a good idea for Ellie to move here. It should be a good idea for me to go there, then.”

  “No! It is completely different. It doesn’t matter where Ellie lives, New York, here, anywhere in the world. But for Amish people, it is not the same. You will have no one to care for you, to look after you.”

  “The Lawrences care for me.”

  “Yes, you are their daughter by birth, but they don’t understand who you have grown to be. They cannot live the way we do. They wouldn’t want to. So, soon, they won’t know what to do with you, and they will lose interest in you.”

  Hurt, Rachel words exploded. “You don’t know them, so you have no right to say such a thing! You and Ellie can be close, but no one would want me around?”

  “It’s not the same thing,” her mother snapped. “And these people have no place for a child anymore. I know, Katie told me. They have an apartment where they live alone, nothing there for children. Outside, no grass, no trees, just cars and buildings and crowds.”

  “We will have our own apartment. Ellie’s apartment. She offered it to us.”

  “The two of you will live by yourselves?” Leah shook her head vehemently. “This is a terrible thing! You have no idea how to live in a place like New York City.”

  “I’m a grown woman!”

  Leah picked up the half-filled basket and rose to her feet. “I see now what you will learn in New York. To go against your family. To cause trouble. And, also, to make your child into a bad teenager who will do bad things.”